Control
by KittenWithaWhip1
Summary: There's no such thing as a nice hitman, or a hitman that starts at the top. Whatever taint Spike received during his formative years at Red Dragon would leave a lasting, distasteful element in his private life. This is Spike as I hope we never see him.


The blonde was standing at the other end of the bar, looking for someone like him. Funny, he was looking for someone like her. Cheap, fair, rather plain for her profession. An average face that could resemble a thousand other women.  
  
Or one in particular.  
  
This is crazy, thought an insignificant voice within him. Stop what you're doing. Just put down your drink and walk away.  
  
But she'd already spotted him. He wasn't a local. Maybe he was a tourist, just in for the weekend to have some fun. He was lanky, with an open face and guileless eyes that returned her businesslike gaze. An easy touch.  
  
She stepped toward him.  
  
Suddenly attacked by his panicking conscience, he started fumbling quickly through his pockets. If only he could pay his tab and get out of there fast enough, he could stop this. He found the wad of money in his jacket and tried to jerk it out, but in his haste, coins and bills tumbled all over the bar.  
  
Too late. She was already standing beside him, watching him pick up the cash. "Looks like you've got some extra money tonight, handsome." A moment passed while he considered the unspoken offer, then he looked down at her. He was close enough to see the specks of color in her blue eyes.  
  
Too late.  
  
* * * *  
  
The hotel was cheap and isolated, thank God. There was no around to see them. He kept his hands in his pockets and let her open the door. To his further relief, the room was small and at the far end of the complex. This was a good thing, because invariably, things got a little rambunctious. It wouldn't do to have people pounding on the door.  
  
"Ever been with a hooker before?" She asked as she locked them in.  
  
"No." He lied.  
  
She smiled with bored eyes. "I could tell. You seem a little nervous." She removed her ratty dress. There was nothing underneath. She was getting down to business - and only business. "Never you fear. I'll take good care of you." She unbuttoned his shirt, pressing her bare skin against his. He felt his erection growing but still regarded her calmly. She kissed him. He closed his eyes and imagined someone else.  
  
She peeled his clothes off and dropped them on the floor next to her belongings. As she knelt in front of him, his eyes passed over her purse on the dresser next to him. She had a vial of Blood Eye tucked away, and he briefly thought about taking a shot before remembering what had happened the last time. It had taken the edge off, all right, but he didn't need another mess like that again.  
  
Her lips wrenched him away from his distraction. Looking down, he curled his fingers through her blonde hair and let her work her magic. Shit, talk about being a fucking professional. Not five seconds into it and he was already halfway there. His thoughts wandered. Julia had always been great at giving head. Maybe she'd learned to do it the same way this woman had. No one had ever gone through the syndicate without a taint of some kind. No one.  
  
In his mind, it was Julia running her lips along his shaft, Julia's hair that he twisted in his hands. Julia. Julia.  
  
His orgasm took him by surprise. He screamed out Julia's name as he went limp over the woman in front of him. God it had been a long time. Oh God.  
  
The blonde got up and stood in front of him, watching him pant. He was smiling and a little more relaxed now, and luckily his erection hadn't faded off yet. Ready for round two. He looked up at her and chuckled, shaking his head. She smiled back. Their eyes met and the room went still.  
  
"What are you grinning about?" She asked.  
  
Suddenly the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. His smile remained, but his eyes were focused on her to the exclusion of everything else in the room. She felt herself falling backwards in space. It wasn't until she landed on the bed that she realized he'd punched her in the face.  
  
He was on her in a second, struggling to get a hold of her flailing hands. She tried to kick him off but he was much bigger than she was, and much stronger than he'd originally looked. His hands closed around her wrists and held them out of the way. Her legs still kicked and twisted out from under him, and while he struggled for control, she got her hands free. One clawed for his eyes but he grabbed it in midair and twisted her wrist before she did any damage. Was that cracking noise cartilage or bone? It didn't matter. The pain of it was already in her screams. Better her than him, though. He'd lost an eye that way once.  
  
With her hands under control again, he punched her repeatedly, trying to stop the noise. No effect. Finally he wrapped his hand around her throat and pressed, hard. The noise stopped and her eyes grew wide.  
  
"Scream again and I'll crush your windpipe." He watched her consider it. "It's a nasty way to die. I promise."  
  
Holding her down, he pushed against her.  
  
* * * *  
  
It was almost all he'd ever known. He hadn't always been a bounty hunter. Before that, he'd been a hit man. And before that, he'd done whatever they'd told him to do. He'd lost his virginity to a mark when he was 14, and he never forgot how it felt to have her struggle and tighten around him while his friends held her.  
  
"Whoooeee! Look at him go! Just like a spike through a fucking railroad tie!"  
  
Just remembering it again made him expand suddenly and he grew lightheaded. He closed his eyes when he started seeing stars.  
  
Julia was the only one who'd ever been able to take it. It had started out mildly enough until they'd got to know each other's perfectly matched kinks. Julia liked it rough. The rougher the better. She'd give him that look that belied her classy manner and it was all they could do to shut the door before they went at it. He'd use his strength and speed to hold her down and ram himself into whichever orifice was closest to his crotch, and she'd wail and cry out in ecstasy. The harder the better, the rougher the louder. The eloquent scars across his back proved that she gave as good as she got. He'd empty everything he had into her - every narrow escape, every tense moment of waiting in ambush, every frayed nerve - and afterwards they'd hold each other and laugh like children at the release. He'd never actually punched her though. That came later, as payback. Vicious would have killed him slowly if he'd ever found evidence like that on Julia.  
  
That bitch.  
  
How could she have done it? How could she abandon him like that? Was she too busy fucking Vicious that afternoon to escape with him? Was it Vicious that she'd been thinking about while she was balling him? He'd risked everything for her, and she couldn't even be bothered to take his rival's dick out of her mouth long enough to say goodbye. Maybe she'd forgotten all about him. By now, she wouldn't even remember his name.  
  
He couldn't hurt her enough.  
  
He felt himself cresting and opened his eyes to see his victim. Julia.Julia's blonde hair streaked with blood beneath him. He wanted to see her agonized face. He wanted her to KNOW it was HIM who was doing this to her. He reached down and yanked the tangle of hair off her face as he felt his orgasm boiling through.  
  
It wasn't Julia. It wasn't some whore he'd brought here. It was Faye's face he saw now. Faye's face streaked with blood and snot, mouth open wide in a scream that couldn't escape through her terrified throat.  
  
"No! NO!"  
  
But it was too late. His climax was unstoppable, and he clenched his eyes shut against the specter. His rage ripped through his flesh and shot a seemingly endless fury into his victim. Shudders overtook him and he slumped against her.  
  
* * * *  
  
This was getting out of control. The poison was already seeping into his everyday life whenever he got angry at Faye. He was terrified that someday they'd find her body in a field. He never wanted that to happen. She meant too much to him. She'd saved his bacon repeatedly, and he knew that if the offer had been given to Faye instead of Julia, nothing would have prevented her from meeting him in the graveyard. Nothing. She would never betray him. He never wanted to hurt Faye. He never wanted Faye to become one of them.  
  
He looked back at the bed. The whore was in bad shape, but she'd live. He wiped his hands on the towel and stepped back into his clothes. The coins jangled in his pocket again - a reminder. The guilt was back. The rage was gone but the aftereffects were still there, whimpering on the bed. He took the money out of his pocket and laid it on the dresser. Walking to the bed, he leaned over the fetal form and took in what he'd done. The regret made him feel almost normal. Once again, he was the Spike he'd carefully manufactured, the Spike he'd always wanted to be. The Spike he might have been if he'd never joined Red Dragon. He was always disturbed by his lack of control. But always afterwards. It was too late. He'd done it again. He sucked in a quivering breath and did something he'd never done before.  
  
"I'm sorry." It was a whisper. He had no voice.  
  
He picked up the towel, opened the door and stepped outside into the cold air.  
  
God he needed a fucking smoke.  
  
Digging around in his pocket, he found a rumpled cigarette. His hands were shaking so badly that it took a minute to for the flame to make contact. He closed his eyes and eagerly sucked down the carcinogens, holding them in his chest.  
  
A moment.  
  
Focus.  
  
Forget.  
  
Control.  
  
By the time he let his breath out again his composure was back. The shaking had stopped. He stepped off the porch and across the lot to the Swordfish.  
  
* * * *  
  
"How'd it go?"  
  
"Typical." Faye climbed into the Swordfish and closed the hatch.  
  
"Lost it all again, did you?"  
  
"Shut up and drive."  
  
Spike smiled. "Lost it all and then some, eh? What did you have to do this time? Scrub toilets?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it." She looked over at him. "What happened to you?"  
  
"I got in a fight."  
  
"Hmpf! What a surprise. I don't suppose we have any bounty money to look forward to?"  
  
"Nope. This was a freebie." He almost gagged on his words.  
  
She sighed. Hunching in her seat, she put her feet up on the panel just to hear him bitch, but he didn't. He glanced approvingly at her legs and went back to what he was doing. She caught his glance and decided a little teasing was in order. "C'mon, you know you want it." She meant it to be bitchy but it came out a little too soft. Spike chuckled - damn - and turned to look at her. She was close. Too close. Close enough for him to see the specks of color in her eyes.  
  
He wanted her. The familiar feeling started to rise, spooking him. Quickly dropping his eyes, he focused his gaze away from her and lit a cigarette. He pretended to be concentrating on the path ahead, and didn't speak again. He wished he were normal enough to love her the way she deserved to be loved. Why was he so fucking broken?  
  
Dammit, he must be thinking of her. Thought Faye. Why does he think he's being unfaithful to her memory just by talking to me?  
  
Looking sadly at Spike, she wished she could compete with his love for Julia. 


End file.
